On Arrival

I recently had a conversation with a friend of ours in which he declared, "I feel like I have arrived", in reference to being exactly where he wants to be in his life, and his family having found a great balance in pretty much all areas at this point in time. This friend owns his own business, has a view of one of the most beautiful beaches in the world right outside his window, is in a long-term committed relationship, and a one-year-old with another one on the way. He didn't always know what he wanted to do with his life, he has definitely worked hard and stumbled at times, and had some luck along the way. This conversation got me thinking about the people who I know at different ages and stages in their lives who seem the happiest, and conversely, those who don't. I've come up with five things that all the (presumably) happiest people I know appear to have in common. This is all purely anecdotal and observational, so take it for what it's worth. 

1. They make their own decisions.
They take control over what they can, and try not to focus so much on the things they can't. They don't leave everything up to chance. They don't refrain from voicing their opinion to be polite or easy for other people; they don't always have to be in the consensus. They don't just comment under their breaths. That being said, they're not control freaks either, and don't always have to be the deciding factor or have the last word at everything.

2. They do stuff.
They aren't afraid to do something that's tough, make a mistake, or look stupid in front of other people. They seek new experiences. They travel to new places. They're not lazy most of the time. And, even if they feel lazy, sometimes they go do stuff anyway. Because they do stuff, they meet and know other people who do stuff too (also important for #4 below). 

3. They know what they like.
Since they do stuff, they have developed their tastes and opinions. They share the things they like with people who they think will appreciate the same things. What they like isn't necessarily influenced by what is popular (and often, it's not). 

4. They put effort into building/maintaining relationships in-person.
They communicate and empathize, make plans, don't flake out most of the time, help out and do favors when they can, and occasionally take one for the team. Whether they're introverted or extroverted, they make time for the people important to them. They might use social media as a way to connect, but it's not their only way.

5. They've paid their dues.
They know what it's like to start at the bottom rung at something and work their way up. They have lived through humbling moments. They know what it's like to not have things as good as they have them now, and so they appreciate what they have earned. The key here is past tense - they paid their dues - they don't still feel like they're still paying them all the time. 

And there you have it. Perhaps what is also worth noting here is what I haven't put on the list. I don't think it definitely matters if one is single or in a long-term committed relationship, where you live, how much money you earn, your political or religious beliefs, how many people you know, what your particular hobbies are, what health issues you have to deal with, etc. There can be a lot of individual variance in those areas. It also kind of goes without saying that all these "happy people" have their basic biological, physiological, and safety needs met on a regular basis (see Maslow's Hierarchy).

What do you think? I suppose I'll revisit this at some point in the future and see if I still agree with myself.