More Fleabag

I know I already recently mentioned how much I love Fleabag, but I just thought I'd fawn all over it some more because we watched more episodes and it got even better. Every episode, I find it interesting that they somehow manage to never have a single character say her name out loud. 

Throwbacks

In light of the latest embarrassing namecalling between American politicians, particularly most of it being caused by one politician, I just thought I'd post this throwback from only three years ago. 

And in the wake of another shooting at an event in the US, this. If I sound like a broken record about things, it's because nobody else living around the world understands why the US doesn't change something.

Fleabag and the like

We are enjoying the show Fleabag these days - another great show with a female protagonist. In fact, all the current shows I'm watching have female protagonists: The Letdown, The Handmaid's Tale, Dead to Me, and Big Little Lies. Mike is also very happy that Veronica Mars is back. I love Kristen Bell, and The Good Place too, and I would probably love Veronica Mars, but it's one of the shows Mike binge-watched without me, at a rate at which I was never able to catch up. 

Winter is just such a nice time to curl up on the couch with a blanket and watch a show or two in the evening.  Happy weekend, everyone!

World Citizens

We have been granted dual citizenship at a time where many citizens' and residents' loyalty to the US is being questioned, particularly the patriotism of a select few congresswomen. The situation is completely ridiculous and I won't go into the racism rabbit hole in this post, and about how the president continues to conduct himself below the minimal standards of his position. Not to mention the fact that the president goes around accusing others of not being patriotic for trying to improve the lives of people in their home country, but he happily accepts election interference and money from foreign governments. The last I checked, the US was founded on the ideals of freedom of speech, assembly, press, etc., and exercising those rights is anything but un-American. But I digress.

What I do wonder is this: would the people that side with him also accuse my family of not being "patriotic enough" because we have chosen to have citizenships to two countries? To those people, I'd probably ask if they have ever traveled or lived outside of the US for more than just a short holiday, or if they feel a connection to another culture in addition to the good 'ol American way. The beautiful thing about America is that, from the beginning, it has been a melting pot of cultures. 

Having the opportunity to call two countries home does not make us any less American. We still stand for the Star-Spangled Banner and pay our taxes. And even long before I took the pledge to become an Australian citizen, I already belonged to another subculture within the US - that of Philippino Americans. Belonging to a subculture doesn't make anyone less American. We are very lucky to also be citizens of Australia - another multicultural Democratic country. There are lots of similarities between the two countries. Choosing to live in a different country for a period of time doesn't mean that you don't love America. It gives you a different perspective, and might even enforce your love for American ideals. 

It shouldn't matter if you were born in the US or outside, if your ancestors lived on US soil or not, if you have attained citizenship, you have full citizenship. Period. The last I checked, there aren't degrees of citizenship. It's honestly quite scary to live in a time where the people in power use the idea of patriotism in an attempt to weaken Democratic institutions. 

At the end of the day, I can only control so much. I am grateful for my dual citizenship. I am lucky to call two wonderful countries home. 

The 1:5 Ratio

A simple search on Amazon shows that there are over 100,000 titles available about parenting. There are over 200,000 about teaching. There are so many different philosophies behind why to do this or that when raising and educating kids. Everyone has their own idea based on how they were raised, taking what resonated with them or sometimes trying to do the polar opposite.

What we do with Penelope is a combination of things. I use some strategies I've learned working in the classroom and other kids' programs, some we've read about, and some are us just being creative and seeing what works. I'm not poring over parenting books and research most of the time, I just might read an article here or there. At the end of the day, like in teaching, it's trial and error to find what works best for your kid in your family environment. 

Two of the most important values I have for Penelope's growth and development are effective communication, and the desire for her to become "capable" (which others might call developing independence or self-efficacy):

Effective Communication
I see this as the most important thing a parent/caretaker can help a child develop. Helping a child develop his or her vocabulary and social skills sets them up to be successful in almost every other conceivable way. Even if a child is not old enough or has not developed verbal communication skills yet, talking and reading to them throughout the day will help them get there. The more the child is able to communicate their needs to those around them, the less frustrated they will be, and the more confident they will become in their abilities. This also makes the parent/carer's job easier and less stressful. Win-win.

Capable
I want Penelope be and feel capable. To be capable, we work on physical skills regularly, like swimming, climbing, balancing, fine-motor etc. Over months and years, she will learn her own strengths and abilities, and improve them. From these improvements in abilities and trying different activities, she will develop the sense that, "I can do it", hopefully more than, "I can't". We try to emphasize a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset, with language and example. In the long run, we also have the goal of teaching household chores, money management, and other life skills. 

Part of both of these values is positive phrasing. In order to communicate with a child and to help them develop healthy self-esteem, I make an effort to phrase things as positively as possible for Penelope. That might seem obvious or silly to some, to concentrate on saying, "Please walk" as opposed to "Stop running!", or "Food stays on your plate" instead of "No throwing food!". But, if you add up the number of times a week you say "no" or "stop" or "don't" to a toddler or preschooler, it could literally add up to hundreds. That's a lot of negativity for one person to hear. If I, as an adult at work, heard criticism that often, I would think that everyone hates me and I was close to being fired. Building up the ratio of positive things you say to a kid, vs the number of negative things, could make a huge difference in their development of how they see and think of themselves as a "good" or "bad" kid over time, and how they think other people feel about them. I've heard the 1:5 rule - for every negative thing you say to a kid, try to say five positive. I don't know if it's based on any research, but it's probably a good target to shoot for. 

Anyway, sorry to bore you with the least exciting post ever. But, if you have a kid or work with them, maybe I've given you something bigger picture to think about. Whether you agree with me or not, I'd be interested to hear in the comments what other values (I'm not talking about religious values, just over-arching principles) parents choose to focus on when making decisions about how to parent.  

Things to Miss

Now that we are starting to make plans to move back abroad, I'm starting to notice all the people and things I'm going to miss about living in Sydney. Some of our closest friends while living here have already moved away, but there are still some oldies-but-goodies we see around. Here are some of the other things I will miss...

- The cafes and bakeries- and breakfast and coffee and tea and pastries - are so good. 

- The annual events - like Vivid, Sculpture by the Sea, Sydney Festival, Night Noodle Markets, The Sydney Tea Festival, Chinese New Year Lanterns, The Royal Sydney Easter Show, etc. 

- The public transport. Some people from here will complain about it, but that's because they've never lived in the 95% of the world that has less reliable transport and crappier weather some times of the year. 

- Speaking of the weather, the weather. It's pleasant to be outside for the vast majority of the year. The sun might be killer, but you adapt to actually wearing the dopey bucket hat and reapplying sunscreen twice a day, and seek out shade whenever possible (like, even to walk a block). I don't even mind that the seasons are backwards anymore. 

- The water. Beaches. The harbour area. Water sports and activities are so accessible in this city. Sailing and boating aren't only for rich people here. There's a reason so many Aussies know how to surf and all the kids learn to swim as part of the public school curriculum. 

- The wildlife. There are beautiful tropical birds, giant fruit-eating bats, big blue tongue lizards, and then all the weird monotremes and marsupials outside the city. Don't even get my started on the beautiful sea life too!

- Our whole family going to the doctor for free.  'Nuff said. 

- On the same note, the paid family leave is better here than in the states (where there is none mandatory by law). It was really nice to not have at least the first 18 weeks covered after having a baby. I like that it's expected that most people who have babies will take about 6 months to a year off, without any guilt from employers or friends/family. It's just accepted that of course a family wants and needs time to get off to a healthy start. 

- No need for checks. Checks were phased out years ago. If you need to give someone money, direct bank transfer is easy, safe, and doesn't cost anything extra. Whenever I need a check for something back in the states, even if it's a canceled one for routing/desposit purposes, I just think it's so archaic and stupid. Join the 21st century and quit using checks, people. They're completely unnecessary and a waste of paper.

I'm sure there is more and more that I will add to the list. This is just the beginning. On the converse, there are lots of things that I miss about the US and am looking forward to having again. I think I will just never be 100% satisfied in one place or the other, now that I've lived long enough in both places. 

Winter School Holidays

Even though the vacations are over, it's still school holidays in New South Wales this week. Penelope still goes to daycare for two days, so I used those days to do a lot of chores, errands, "personal care", and some hobbies. I got my hair trimmed and my nails done, since they were all looking a little mangy. I played frisbee again for the first time in a month. Etc. I even went to the pool to swim in the cold, which is so much better in Hawaii at the moment. I cooked yummy home-cooked things. I made a trip to the hardware store. 

As the week comes to a close, I still have to babysit. Then we have a quiet weekend, and the next school term starts back up. Mike is doing his usual work stuff, and he has been helping a friend's small event-running business with an app. Penelope was happy to be back at family daycare. She continues to climb all over our furniture and learn new words every day. 

I'm loving the third season of Stranger Things, tolerating The Handmaid's Tale, and just starting Big Little Lies.

We are slowly starting to prepare for our move back to the US, but the checklist is very long, and we are only at the beginning.

Hawaii Family Reunion

Our family reunion in Hawaii was really great. We spent half of the time in Kauai and the other half on Maui. There was a good mix of adventure (kayaking, hiking, swimming in a waterfall, snorkeling with big green sea turtles, SUP, and riding in a helicopter) and relaxing by the pool or on the beach, and having a glass of wine in the evening with cousins. We ate out, surprisingly, only a handful of times during the trip. One of our best meals was fresh-caught tuna from my cousins who went deep sea fishing. 

The actual family reunion weekend was full of gorgeous weather, lots of good food, and some traditional Philippino party activities. Michael was happy to hangout with my cousin's 18-year-old son, who wanted to surf and boogie board as much as he did while everyone else chose to relax more. Penelope enjoyed all the wind chickens and roosters EVERYWHERE on Kauai, dipping her feet into the water over the edge of the kayak, munching on corn-on-the-cob, running around in the shallow end of the resort pool, and seeing all the cousins and learning their names. It was really nice that we could all be together, since it was the first time I have ever been with that many of my cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. in one place. 

Apparently, we weren't the only ones on vacation. The actor who plays Howard on The Big Bang Theory was coincidentally staying at our resort. I would have never recognized him or paid any attention, except a few cousins are fans of the show and they fangirled a little bit. He seemed pretty normal and was just hanging out with a group of friends or family members and sipping a drink by the pool for most of the afternoon one day. I guess if we can vacation similarly to someone who makes bank from being on a popular TV show, we have nothing to complain about.. 

Now that this two-years-in-planning trip has come and gone, the next big thing for us will be moving back to the US towards the end of the year. It's a little bit hard to believe, and setting up all the logistics won't be easy.